Descent into Malbolge

   In May of 2017, Heir Malezia, a level 4 magic-user, signed an infernal pact that granted him two additional levels of experience; that character suddenly went from a puny caster of magic missiles to a multiple-fireball-throwing badass.

   In August of 2017, the entire party went to Hell, on a very specific mission. For those of you who have been readers of this blog for a while, you’ll probably remember that particular post. When the party reached Avernus, each character appeared on a large rune belonging to one of the nine Planes of Hell. Each player drew a card, and each of the cards had a short text printed on it. “If you ever return to Avernus after today, you will become a Lemur, and serve Tiamat for all eternity...” “If you ever set foot in Dis, the Second Plane of the Nine Hells, you will be transformed into a pillar of salt...” Et cetera. Each character has one specific Plane of Hell where they could never, ever return or go.

   Fast-forward to October of 2019. The level 6 Heir Malezia is visited by a contract devil who basically tells him, “Dear Sir, your time is almost up – but you can sign this contract right here, and resell your Mortal Soul to my master, Duke Hutijin. Alas, any new contract will only take effect if you break into the Infernal Vault and destroy the original contract you have signed over two Years of Man ago. A teleport circle is included herein, and you can bring up to eight comrades along with you on that heist. You won’t be able to remain inside the Infernal Vault for long, though. Every intruder will be teleported out after a brief moment. Make each second count.”

   Easy enough, right?

   But wait – the Infernal Vault is actually a meteorite that constantly moves through six of the Nine Hells, between Avernus and Malbolge. Which layer is the Vault currently into? Which character is going to become a Lemur – or a pillar of salt – because he was forever banned from that particular Plane of Hell?

   Is it worth risking the ranger’s life, or the bard’s life, or Brother Tom’s life, to save an evil-adjacent magic-user? That’s for the group to decide. I expected a huge debate, but in fact it proved to be rather quick and straightforward. When one member of the party faces Imminent Death, the others usually step up. And so they did.

   Landa the cleric, Huthak the barbarian and Dalmas the monk did not take part in that 2017 expedition to Avernus, so their lives are not at risk. They could still perish, mind you, but not of a “sudden death” right at the beginning of the game. As for Heir Malezia himself, his 2017 rune had been the Nessus rune, so he can never set foot in the ninth Plane of Hell. Anyhow, the Infernal Vault does not travel that far.

   They drew one of six cards – and that card told us that the Infernal Vault was currently passing through the Sixth Plane of Hell. A big sigh of relief. The bard cannot go to the Second; the ranger can’t ever set foot in the Fourth; and Brother Tom can’t go to the Fifth. In Malbolge, the PCs were all safe. Sudden death averted!

   Each of the six PCs and three NPCs appeared on a different bluish star carved in the Vault’s floor. They immediately observed that seven out of nine vaults had guardians: 3 Death Knights, and 4 four-armed gargoyles.

   Brother Tom and NPC Klovis charged one of the Death Knights. The ranger and Landa attacked one of the gargoyles. Dalmas the monk deployed his Diabolical Flying Carpet.

   Nobody ever got within 5 squares of the vault on the far left or the one on the far right, even though the one on the right didn’t have any gargoyle or Death Knight standing in front of it.

   A Rage Drake emerged from the ominous cave-mouth underneath the tower.

   The second Death Knight created a wall of ice right in front of “his” vault, and then left his post to go after Heir and Klynch, the magic-users. The party wouldn’t be able to get to that frozen vault for the rest of the scene, of course.

   One stellar moment occurred when Klynch, the level 5 magic-user (the one who didn’t sell his soul), decided to take on the Death Knight who had left his post. Just to give you some perspective here: Klynch has 14 Hit Points, wears a pair of cursed Bracers of Defenselessness, and has a +3 dagger of Petrification with only 3 charges left in it, while the Death Knight has 75 Hit Points, a 50% magic resistance, and wields a two-handed maul +1.

   First, Klynch casts spider climb to haul his ass up on the lower ledge of the tower. The following round, he casts monster summoning, and a dire wolf appears right next to the advancing Death Knight. On the third round, Klynch performs a “Kirk’s Flying Tackle” from above, and jumps back down on the fully armored Knight, attempting to stab him with his +3 dagger. I allow him another +2 To Hit bonus for the jump. Still, he misses, and takes 5 points of damage from that 25-foot fall. Everyone hears a loud crunch. Klynch lies on the ground as if unconscious or dead; he’s right beside the Death Knight’s left leg, but the Knight is busy fighting the dire wolf. On round four, Klynch attempts to stab the Knight in the foot – and misses yet again. The Knight pays no attention to him, and tries to finish off that pesky wolf.

   Round five: Klynch attempts to stab his opponent in the nuts, since he’s lying on the ground, and quite perfectly positioned to do so. He needs 16. With the +3 dagger, he needs 13. He rolls a solid 15. This time, it’s a hit! I roll 2d10 for the Death Knight’s magic resistance, and get 80. The Knight doesn’t resist to the magic. Then I make a Saving Throw vs Petrification, and roll a 2.

   The Death Knight is turned to stone!

   Epic and hilarious.

   Remember, kids: killing huge monsters is possible, even if you only have 14 Hit Points!

   Elsewhere in the Infernal Vault, Landa, the bard and the ranger whacked two of those 4-armed gargoyles, and quickly emptied two vaults full of infernal contracts. Rot grub rained down on the ranger and the bard as they poured acid onto the contracts to destroy as many of them as possible.

   Dalmas the monk brought his flying carpet around: Landa, the bard and the ranger hitched a ride on it. Down by the pool of lava, the first Death Knight cast power word: kill on Brother Tom. Save or die!

   Brother Tom made a successful Saving Throw. There was another big sigh of relief.

   Meanwhile, Ashtag the Drider, an allied NPC, fought against the Rage Drake. Heir cast one of his jump spells to close in on one of the remaining gargoyles. He then cast fireball, and rolled 30 points of damage – his best damage ever on 6d6, beating a previous record of 28.

   A pair of shrieking harpies then showed up. The Rage Drake disengaged, skirted the base of the tower, and leapt 20 feet onto the flying carpet. Ashtag took it upon himself to tackle both harpies. Dalmas had no other choice but to fight hand-to-hand with the Rage Drake. Monks – what can I say?

   In the end, the party had enough time to empty 5 out of 9 vaults, destroying 1742 infernal contracts. Then, everyone was teleported out. It’s a safety feature of the Infernal Vault. But the devils really need to improve their security, right? Eighty-one Dukes and Duchesses of Hell just lost 1742 souls – their most precious holdings and valuables.

   Duke Hutijin, the one who “bought back” Heir Malezia’s soul by facilitating the party’s access to the Infernal Vault, couldn’t care less for the mighty mess he’s created. Hutijin serves Mephistopheles, and Mephistopheles is Asmodeus’ main rival. The Infernal Vault contains infernal contracts belonging to Duchesses and Dukes aligned with Asmodeus. Vassals of Baalzebul and Mephistopheles keep their paperwork on their own Planes of Hell: the Seventh and the Eight. They didn’t lose a single soul during that most brazen heist.

   Yes: the party has unwittingly entered the tortuous field of Hell’s politics. Powerful devils will certainly seek swift revenge!

   Even the final reveal was great. I put 9 cards on the table, face down – one for each of the 9 vaults. Heir had to pick 5 cards, since he and his comrades had managed to open 5 vaults and destroy all infernal contracts stored inside.

   Of the 5 cards that had been drawn, the “Heir’s Contract!” card turned up fourth. We had awesome suspense up until the very end. The other players yelled, “Nope… Nope… Nope!…” and then, when the right card was flipped, there was a loud cheer around the table. What a perfect ending to a D&D game session. Imagine if “Heir’s Contract!” had turned up first; talk about jumping the gun!

   A time constraint, killer odds, and epic Saves to make.

   After such a game, players can truly say, “We played D&D!”

   One friend told me, “My social life ain’t much these days, and your gaming events are a welcome break from monotony!” I couldn’t have asked for a better thank you.

   Several gods smiled down on us. Arneson. Gygax. Istus. Mephistopheles…